Ecclesiastes Assignment
Solomon, a young ruler with power was known to be the wisest ruler than any other king before him. He had built great projects, “…building big homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards. I made gardens and parks, filling them with all kinds of fruit trees. I built reservoirs to collect water to irrigate my many flourishing grove…” he had many slaves, huge herds and flocks, and he collected large sums of gold and silver. All in all, Solomon had power but in that power he found no satisfaction. In Solomon’s mind, he thought of himself has the greatest, most powerful and the wisest ruler than anyone before him in Jerusalem. In Ecclesiastes 2:10 he says, “Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure.” Solomon did whatever he wanted because he wanted to because he wanted to find the meaning of true satisfaction. His faith in God lacked in dependency for Him to be Solomon’s complete satisfaction. He looks for his life to have meaning through the eyes of the world, but he finds nothing besides always trying to find meaning. Solomon looks for something to bring him joy and complete satisfaction but in the end, he finds the only thing that is satisfying is his relationship with His Father. His relationship with the Father is the only thing that will bring meaning, value, and purpose into Solomon’s life. I grew up in a Christian home my whole life. As a child, my parents were fairly new Christians and we went to Sunday morning services and Awana every week. I remember how I used to use going to church two or three times a week as a foot-hold for me being forgiven for my sins and being on God’s “good side.” What did “God’s good side” mean? When I went to church, I saw this as my “good deed”, the one thing I needed to do for the week to continue my relationship with God. Did I really think I understood my relationship with God? No, but I did know that I was able to communicate with Him through prayer. I didn’t know much about my faith and I when I first “accepted Christ into my heart”… I didn’t understand it as an 8 year old. I think it took me until the summer going into my senior year to really understand why I want to live my life for Christ. Middle school was the beginning of my times of seeking “real satisfaction” wherever and from whoever I could. I remember being at church in the 7th grade and hearing my youth leader talk about “nothing of this world is satisfying.” I thought to myself, “Sure it is. I mean, look at my friends… they are popular, they have boyfriends, they can wear whatever they want, however much make-up as they want, they can see whatever movies they want, they can go to the dances, don’t care about what the teachers think, go shopping all the time and buy whatever they want.” I would kill myself by comparing my family to theirs, my parents to theirs, my clothes, my hair, my appearance, my money I had, my friends, I compared everything I had to others…. And whatever I had, whatever friends I had, they were never good enough and I would never be good enough. As a teenager in middle school, my life revolved around others and how I can make myself like them. I struggled a lot with friends and “reaching the popular crowd” even if that meant me being the “butt” of everyone’s joke, constantly being told “to be like this or like that.” When people saw things in me they didn’t like, I took almost as if they liked me… like wow, they DO pay attention to me. But really, they just wanted to break me down and make me feel lower than dirt. They did a great job of that ALL throughout middle school. I thought that satisfaction could be lived through others, but I quickly saw this idea diminish in my mind after 2 years of going home crying everyday because “there was no one who liked me.” Middle school was the beginning of my “satisfaction seeking” for life. Then unfortunately high school rolled around pretty quick. I got less involved in church and more involved with softball and what else could satisfy me. As a fifteen year old, what could be satisfying? Oh yeah, that’s right. Possibly having a boyfriend or even having a guy interested in you. So that’s what it became for me. Who do I hang out with? Is there any guy who is hot and interested in me? And how do I get them interested? For me, that led to me finally hanging out with guys, lying quite a bit, getting “in-shape” quick, and dressing to impress. It was ALL about me. At one point during my freshman and sophomore year of high school, I had become obsessed with losing weight and toning up my body. I would play softball 2 hours a day (practice), then I would run around my town for about an hour or 30 minutes, and then I would take a trip after dinner and go to the gym for an hour or two. There were even times when I would skip meals and work out more- doing sit ups and pushups in my room, just to look all the other girls that all the other guys were interested in. I found myself being friends with those I felt prettier than so that they would compliment me and I would believe them. My head was so caught up on how I could satisfy myself with satisfying the eyes of others. Softball became the same way for me. It was a way I got out of church on Sundays when I had tournaments. I kept busy as much as I could with that. My mindset on softball was, “God has given me this gift to play softball. He has given me this opportunity to play and be a ‘light’ to those on my team who don’t attend church.” I was pulling everyone’s leg. I took pride in how well I played softball. I was prideful about the position I played, where I would bat in the line-up, how well the girls on the team liked me. This is where I thought I fit in. I remember thinking at one point, “Wow, the gift God has given me. I am so using this to glorify Him.” I would be so self-righteous thinking how great and “pure” I am because I wasn’t joining in on the conversations about the sexual immorality in their lives and what happened the other night. I thought I was a light, but I only proved myself to be a candle with no wick. I had the foundation but I didn’t have the will to seek that satisfaction of His truly in my life. For me, life was so much more satisfying pleasing others. My life was so much more exciting when a guy was interested in me and “wanted” me. My life was so much more desirable when people would think so highly of me. But what I noticed was once something began to diminish, fade out, or when it wasn’t satisfying, I would have to find something or do something that would satisfy that craving, that want, or that desire. Why? Because ALL of this was temporary. Nothing was fully satisfying. Nothing completely filled me. I lived below my circumstances thinking that satisfaction only comes from being hot, popular, wanted and desired. The summer going into my Junior year, I had seen a picture of my life… beginning to want to be at more parties, maybe thinking of experimenting with some things (because what I was doing just wasn’t satisfying enough), becoming more and more desirable that led to more and more of me letting go of my morals. This picture scared me. It scared me because I knew this wasn’t the foundation I truly knew. I knew that from here, my life would only go downhill. I had seen how “double-faced” I was when I was with my “church” and when I was away from church. I saw this candle with no flame and I could never really figure out why I was just never content… why something was ALWAYS wrong, why I could never get away from drama and the desire to be wanted more and more. Life had become unsatisfying. It had become unsatisfying for a long time, but I would cover it up with things temporarily. But by then, there was nothing to cover it. I wanted to find REAL satisfaction. By then, I figured out that I needed to re-commit my life to Christ. Giving up those desires and gaining His! But that wasn’t as easy as it sounded and I am still finding satisfaction in Him. Being here at NTBI has taught me so much about God, His character, His love, His Son, and my purpose through the Word. By learning God’s character it has taught me His sovereignty and control over my life. He has authority over ALL creation and I am a part of that creation. I am made in the image of my Creator. If I am made in the image of my Creator, than why do I partake in things that are only rejecting that I am a part of His creation? He has given me grace. He has sent His Son down to earth as a man to fulfill the purpose of giving the gift of grace. He loves me with this unconditional and sacrificial love, a love that no one else can beat or love. He brings me full satisfaction through knowing that when I was “adopted” He gave me value. For me that was huge. I tried so hard to find value in others wanting others to make me feel valuable. With all this said, He has given me a purpose. My purpose is to bear the image of Christ, glorifying Him with every action and thought I have and to spread the Gospel to the ends of the Earth discipling one another in the Word. When I committed my life to Him, I died with Jesus on the Christ announcing that my old life is dead and my new life is to be lived, not for myself but for Christ. Realizing what Christ has done for me on the cross has changed my worldview tremendously. My whole life I worked for someone to value me, but Jesus doesn’t ask me to work for my value but to live my life for me. That takes away the burden of not being valuable, not feeling worthy enough, not being good enough, and not being able to live up to His works. He is TRUE satisfaction. Like Solomon says, “Everything is meaningless- like chasing the wind.” I couldn’t agree with him anymore.